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Blogging & Baring Your Soul

The Universe has a great sense of humor. Facebook is currently offering a cheesy app that allows users to highlight moments of 2014. I tried it out and found that once I got into it, I could not find my way out. Everything froze up.

Examining the past does that to a lot of us.

“X” out, restart, try again. I have Matchbox 20 singing in my head, “Let’s see how far we’ve come.” I laugh at myself. What do I expect to see? A handful of pretty pictures. I don’t put my world class mistakes on Facebook. I might post a lesson learned, but I don’t take selfies of myself when I’m face palming.

I do that quite a bit actually (face palm, not taking selfies).

Pat Lemieux wrote an amazing piece on all the great ways in which social media is in no way a reflection of real life, “It’s important to see Facebook for what it is; a highlights reel. It shows the best plays of the game while ignoring all the dropped passes and missed tackles.”

Blogging is very different than social media to me. It’s not a series of photos. The only picture on my blog is a shot of me looking a lot like Gandalf the Grey in a tee shirt. FB photos are not worth a thousand words. A handful of truthful words are worth far more.

When I’m blogging it’s just me and a laptop and a head full of ideas that desperately need to be released. I do it to share my experience strength, and hope (and heartache). I’m open and honest here. I can share with you how much of a misfit I am and you get to love it or hate it (but please make sure you Facebook like it, my ego loves big numbers).

It’s easy to be vulnerable when you’re staring at a screen instead of a person.

Looking back on my 2014 is like watching a high speed roller coaster in reverse. My highs were beautifully high and my lows were really fucking low. It took a toll. It gave me more than I’ve ever had. I’m missing pieces and I’m fulfilled.

It’s a lot to take in, but this is not new for me. It has everything to do with why I take time off at the end of every year.

Introspection is a mixed bag. I find I need input from trusted others because my mistakes usually weren’t as bad as I think they were and my successes are usually better than I think.

I think I think too much. Sometimes I’m convinced that I feel too much. When you have a life that’s full to the brim each and every day, you get overwhelmed even by good stuff.

I’m a work in progress – always will be. I crave more connection. I want more…of everything. Even as I find my heart full I’m thinking of what to add.

“Deadlines and commitments, what to leave in, what to leave out.” – Bob Seger “Against the Wind”

So as I get ready to leave 2014 as a series of memories, I want to thank everyone who reads my stuff, emails me, or otherwise finds a way to let me know they relate. We misfits are the very best kind of people. Thanks for being part of my journey and allowing me to be part of yours. Blessed be.

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